At long last…GIFT CARDS!

What can I say about gift cards? I mean, for starters, these aren’t actual gift cards; they are digital…So, Earth: 1 — Pollution: 0. Yeah, suck on that, Exxon Mobile. Secondly, imagine the look on your gift-receiver’s face when they get this—a representation of a gift card, which is itself an abstraction of money, but this money they cannot spend freely, no, they have to spend it on a reconceptualisation of meat, which is, in the end, a reflection of your love.

Now, THAT'S a f*cking gift.